Ayah pasti khawatir kan ketika aku bilang aku sedang sakit?

Memikirkan apakah aku makan dengan baik, hidup dengan baik

Ayah pasti khawatir di sana

Bagaimana bisa aku selalu pura-pura menyembunyikan bahwa aku tidak baik-baik saja?

Sebagai manusia, aku mempunyai batas untuk bersikap baik-baik saja

Aku lelah berucap aku baik-baik saja

Aku tidak baik-baik saja, ayah

Aku sakit

Aku sakit dan butuh kasih sayang

Aku merindukan rumah

Aku tidak butuh obat, ayah

Aku butuh engkau di sisiku

1 Februari 2014

Membicarakanmu seakan membicarakan tentang keajaiban

Bagaimana kakak yang setahun lebih tua dariku itu, hidup

Sejak kau lahir pun selalu ada rintangan yang menjala

Tak terbayang lagi bagaimana perasaan ayah dan ibu ketika kau tidak mau menghampiri ASI

Kehidupanmu itu bagaikan cerita dongeng

Kakak yang selalu bertengkar dengan adiknya, tak pernah akur

Adik yang hanya bisa melihat kakaknya, tak bisa membela

Kadang aku berfikir, what are you?

Sebenarnya kamu itu apa?

Apakah ada yang salah tentangmu?

Apakah ada yang salah tentang tubuhmu? Otakmu?

Haruskah aku bersedih?

Ataukah aku melakukan sama seperti yang lain? Berpura-pura tak tahu

Kenapa orang lain tidak berpikir kamu berbeda

Bukankah seharusnya kita memang berbeda?

Kenapa perbedaan itu berubah menjadi sesuatu yang aneh?

Yang harusnya kita terima apa adanya

Kakakku, kakakku yang bertahan hidup dengan apa adanya

Kakakku, yang kadang menyebalkan

Kakakku yang kuat dan percaya diri

I love you, we always love you

Kalaupun dia tidak tahu kita menyukainya

Kalaupun dia tidak tahu kita merindukannya

Kalaupun dia tidak tahu kita menghabiskan waktu memikirkannya

Maka itu tetap cinta. Tidak kurang sesenti perasaan tersebut.

Justeru dengan ngotot ingin bilang, ingin pacaran, ingin aneh-aneh, perasaan itu tiba-tiba bermetamorfosis menjadi egoisme dan sebatas keinginan yang tidak terkendali saja.

Bersabar dan diam lebih baik. Jika memang jodoh akan terbuka sendiri jalan terbaiknya. Jika tidak, akan diganti dengan orang yang lebih baik.

-Tere Liye

It's already winter. It's time to the leaves go down, even the birds keep in their warm nest. Winter, little bit annoying actually. You know when the temperature turn into the coldest from the year to year. That's to much, but it is real fact. Anyway, I still love winter. Why? Are you kidding? Who does not like snow? And I ruin my first week in this winter with some stupidity. I forgot to bring sweater. I just did not notice that the temperature will goes down really fast.

"Why did you come so late" shout my mom right after I put my shoes into their place.

"Why? Did something happen?"

"Did you feel that I am the right person to say that? What happen in the school? You come very late in this early winter" said mom.

"Yeah, my lovely children have to get their homework for their long long holiday"

"Please stop making money. Just find your marriage partner"

What? Rolling my eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't do this debate anymore. I really tired this day.

"Somebody sent you an invitation. I put it on the table"she shout (again) before I close my door.

Invitation? From who?

I see that red envelope. Wedding invitation?

To : Taylor Swift

You are invited to attend Taylor Lautner and Jessica White wedding.

Wait.. Taylor..Lautner?

TAYLOR LAUTNER?

Is it really... That.. Taylor? You know, THAT TAYLOR. No.. No.. He's not my twin, even we had the same first name.

Oh,well, I haven't told you about Lautner.

This is all started in the summer when I am in the second grade of high school, 7 years ago.

Flashback

A boring summer. Again and again Mr. John give a homework to write the essay. Even there is no topic, means free, write essay is not easy. It is not like when you solving math problem with formula, that's much easier to do.

No.. No.. Focus.. Focus..

How can I finish this essay even if my brain was not here. Two days ago, there was a new student comes. His name is Taylor Lautner, even the same as me. I'm Taylor Swift, he is Taylor Lautner. Don't we fated? Haha. I hope so. From the first arrival at the school, he has even become an idol. Sassy schoolgirls from level 3 is always screaming his name even when he was playing basketball or even when he was eating his lunch in the cafeteria.

Ugh, annoying. Uh,does not mean I was not interested in him as well, but they are so noisy to make him uncomfortable. I mean, look at him that such discomfort when eating lunch there with all the screams of the sassy girls. He's such uncomfortable. Or it is just .. my imagination?

Ah, never mind. My mind is messed up just thinking about it. Why can not I do this kind of assignment? Sigh.

***

"Hey, aren't you Taylor?" he asked as he came over me who was reading in the library.

"Taylor ... Taylor ..." he still remember what is my last name.

"Taylor Swift" answer me, after he take a long time to remember it.

"I am Taylor Swift and you must be Taylor Lautner" I continued.

His eyes sparkled , between surprised and happy I could know his name.

"Yes, I am. You know, I am your neighbor. We are neighborhood." he said.

"Yes, I know. A week ago"

"Really, Why did not you tell me? We can go home together"

Are you kidding? With all the monsters that could kill me any time?

"Um .. I do not like to go home with anyone, I do not have any friends."

Lautner shock, but then smiled slightly.

"Well, then you can come home with me after school"

Then he sped away from the library.

My turn to shock. What did he just say?

It's the best day eveeeerrrr

It's the best day eveerrrr

It's the best da...

Wait, is it Spongebob song? No, no.. It is not my style. Hem? But I always watch it every .. day. Just, forget it!

Ever since that day, we were getting close. And the more I love him. Wait .. Since when did I love him? Well, you know even though you could say he's your friend but if he carries on to be around you, you will love it too.

One day when we got home from watching the movie, Lautner said to me.

"You know Jesse from next door?"

Understand that I do not know her, he replied.

"Jessica White. Was not she in the basketball club with you?" he asked.

Ah, I know that kid. Well, she is beautiful and smart. But, why Lautner suddenly say that?

"Yes, I know her. She really smart and beautiful of course" I was forced to laugh with.

"Of course" he laughed. ".. and I think I love her"

And I stopped laughing.

And you know a week later I heard they invented. I think their love will last only a maximum of one month, but I thought they were holding each other in Prom Night as (still) lovers.

Damn! Why am I stuck with this love game? Why I do not know if in fact he does not like me?

***

Damn! Damn! Da..

BRUUKKK!!

I felt from the bed. Wait.. The bed? So, that's just a dream? Yeah.. Yeah.. Dream, a dream from the real thing in the past. Very real until I even forget that they send me a wedding letter.

Will I go?

***

And.. Here I am. I've decided I'm going to come at their wedding.

With sneaking I went to the back of the church to give Lautner a letter.

"What?" he said as I give it.

"Just read"

I went away. Bit unsure whether Lautner will read and follow what I wrote.

To: Taylor Lautner

I have something to do. I'll wait you in the back door of the church.

I thought Lautner are not really coming.

"What is it? Event soon begins. I can not stay long." he says.

"I love you. Would you go with me and forget about her, forget about this marriage?"

BRUKK

"I.. I'm Sorry. Did you hurt?" I said to the man who had just hit me. I'm dreaming. I had another dream. Ugh! Could I be fine today. And the people I hit, left me with his grumbling.

Tolling church bell several times, the bride enters the altar with her ​​dress color gracefully. Ck, less beautiful with it. Then, after both prospective bride had reached the altar, to spell their vows.

"Are you Taylor Lautner, accepting wife Jessica White in sadness or happiness, healthy and sick, and promised to love until death do us part?"

Jessica smiled, his eyes staring at the Lautner. Of course she would say "I do". Lautner stupid! Don't you look at me as the perfect woman? Women who are on your side when you need a friend? Or is it in your eyes I'm just friends? Open your eyes! I'm here!

"STOP!"

What? I were screaming. I was shocked. Shut my mouth after saying the unexpected out of my mouth just like that.

"Taylor Lautner, do not marry him"

I shut my mouth for the second time. How can I do  it?

Without I expected, Lautner came over and said that she had been wrong. He loves me, not Jessica. Then we went from there and be happy forever.

Huh? Another dreaming! Wake up, wake up!

"Are you Taylor Lautner,accepts your wife, Taylor Swift, in a sadness or happiness, healthy and sick, and promised to love until death do you part?"

Attendees began buzzing. Taylor Swift? Who is Taylor Swift?

"Sorry pastor, it looks like you were wrong to mention it. It was Jessica White not Taylor Swift"

"But here says so. Anyone make it wrong?

"I do"

I came forward.

"I am replacing it. I love Taylor Lautner. I want to marry you. Jessica is not your match, but I do."

Lautner was angry and ordered guards to get me rid of it.

"Taylor?"

"Taylor?" someone shook my shoulder a bit harsh.

"Taylor wake up" I was finally realized.

"Huh? Y.. Ye .. yes?" I stammered. The third messy dream.

"The blessing will soon begin" said Linda, a high school friend who sitting next to me.

"Are you Taylor Lautner, accepting your wife, Jessica White, in sadness or happiness, healthy and sick, and promised to love until death do you part?"

Of course Jessica said "I do". This time no longer hallucinations. They were married. They were destined to get married? Is it?

Well, despite the pain of the past whose name will remain the past, isn't it? It's just that I expect this is to be the right choice for him. Goodbye first love. I hope you're happy.